Posts tagged “Bill Hicks

Mauled: Habs get Thumped 7-0; Bruins still Hungry

So, what happened last night?  As you can clearly see, I haven’t been around these last few days…you know…kissing hands…shaking babies…. that sorta thing.

In all seriousness (barely), I started a new job. Yours truly is dealing with some ‘stuff’ at this present juncture, and no, I am not ‘Chasing the Dragon’, I’ll never let that happen… again.  But after watching last night’s Bruins vs. Habs tilt for the 711th time, there’s no shame in falling ass-backwards into your vice of choice; to quote the late, great Bill Hicks:

“The idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my c*** right now seems like almost a productive act.”

Ah Bill, thanks for putting things into perspective.

This is where I’d usually spare you the indignity of going over every detail from the game; the replays from TSN and the snarky, arrogant remarks from everyone outside MontRÉAL are punishment enough.  Alas, I am petty and a good laugh is in order so without further adieu, here is last night’s game, re-enacted for your viewing pleasure.

 

Pretty darn close, huh?  I’m predicting more life out of Elizabeth Taylor’s funeral than last night’s Habs performance, at least we know someone’s gonna score, right?  The Bruins distanced themselves further from the Habs in the Eastern Conference, now five points up on Montreal with two games in hand.  The Ottawa Senators did the Habs a half-a-solid, defeating the seventh place New York Rangers in a shootout, 2-1 F/SO.  The Rangers are chomping at the bit of the Habs, now only two points back.  To say the Habs are burning the candle at both ends is both an understatement and a great way to get your keister parked.

 

Digits:

The Habs led the game in hits?  Really?  How? Montreal’s 25, to Boston’s 11.  I am not kidding you.  Helter-Lars-Sk-Eller led the team in the hit category with five.

Carey Price was chased from the Montreal goal for the second time in his last three starts.  I should say, the Canadiens allowed Price to get chased from the Montreal goal for the second time in his last three starts. Price was scored on five times last night on 33 shots.  CP31 finished last night’s game with a 6.74 GAA and a .848 SV%.

Biggest waste of money since Kevin Costner’s ‘Waterworld’, Scott Gomez finished up yet another pointless outing with a –1 and going 9-for-20 in the face-off circle.  Oh, and while we’re at it, he logged over 20 minutes in last night’s game, good enough for 5th on the Habs after Wiz, PK, Hamr and Gio.

Thank God the Habs are not trying to have a baby, ‘cause they’re shooting blanks.  The Habs have not scored a goal since last Sunday’s Minnesota game.  Since then, the Habs have gone just over 126 minutes without ripping the twine.

Habs Killer (literally), Lurch, I mean, Zdeno Chara, had three assists and logged just under 21 minutes last night.

Daddy’s boy, Gregory Campbell, notched 2 goals for his first multi-goal game since November 12th, 2008 when he was a member of the Florida Panthers.  He also fought Habs D-Man, Paul Mara, in the latter stages of the second period, without the use of a wrist guard.

Tim Thomas * cough * earned * cough * his eighth shutout of the season stopping all 24 shots he faced.  Credit goes out to the Bruins D-Core for forcing the Habs to shoot outside the perimeter, last night’s shutout goes to them.

There’s Always Tomorrow:

Habs return (limp) home to face the Caps at the Bell demain soir.  Washington is sans Alexander the GR8, Jason Arnott and Mike Green for their current tour of Eastern Canada.  JB.com predicts the Habs winning 1-0 in a shootout.

Have a wonderful weekend folks.  Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @JohnnyBertolo

-Laters

*Note:  Dear fellow readers, I am not a heroin addict, but I play one on TV. 😉

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